Run for your life

I dabble in running. I say dabble because even after sticking with it for the better part of two years, I still do not enjoy it and I am nowhere near good at it.

I tried winter running for the first time this year and learned A) it's cold in the winter! Sometimes too cold to run and B) I enjoy running in the dark.
Now it's spring and although it's wonderful to have more daylight, I do miss those night-time runs.

I am struggling to get back to being able to do 10K. I had done the 10K route twice - twice! - back in November just before all things Christmas started and since then I have not been as committed as I'd hoped and now find myself struggling to get back there. I'm happy with 10K. I feel accomplished. I feel strong. I feel successful. Until I get there again I'm not sure I will feel any of those things.

The running group I run with has a new crop of runners this spring and I'm finding it hard to fit in. I have never been a fast runner and usually I don't care, but now there are older, lager women kicking my ass and it feels horrible! Over the past few years I have been trying to train my mind to not think about the other people, to just worry about myself, but having an older, larger woman who has just joined the group sail by you is a little humbling to say the least. Is it bad that I hope she falls and suffers a minor but significant injury? Okay ,yah that's bad.

Today I am proud of myself. Today I went out and ran on my own just because I felt like it. I am going to try to do that more often. I think it will boost my fitness level but more importantly my confidence. I've always had a problem running without the group and I think that is a big factor in my inability to improve.

My husband told me the other day that sometimes he thinks I run because I have to, not because I want to. I laughed. That is exactly why I do it. I hope one day the opposite is true.